At a good place

The last 1 month has been a fruitful, everchanging, evergrowing 1 month. I feel like it is time for me to "grow". To move away from impatience, to move away from stubborness, to move away from self pity, to move away from greed, to move away from many things that impede one's "growth" in life. I realize it but i am still in the midst of learning and strengthening myself. I remember my cousin brother's statement when i was still young; He told his younger sister who is extremely close to me, " I wish Areen will learn "the book". She will be good at it if she does." And last week, my cousin sister recapped those sentences to me and i smiled to her and i said," InsyaAllah."

Anyway, life has been good. I did lose my wallet and a whole bunch of bank cards which was a bummer but i figured that there must have been a reason to it. Wallahualam. Currently am waiting for the IC to be ready. Then, i can get my bank cards and i wouldnt feel like a pauper anymore. It is really difficult to survive with RM 500 for 2 weeks. Including the fuel for the car of course. Trials.....Have to control the "nafsu" to buy anything interesting that i see. Therefore, i havent gone out to shop or anything. That is GOOD =D.

Ive been succeeding with my anger management lately. Believe it or not, my temper flares quite as bad as my dad. In malay they say ," Bapa borek, anak rintik". Meaning, like father, like son. We shall modify it to like father, like child. Anyway, talking about anger, ive been controlling it quite well. Read somewhere that when the anger hits you, say Auzubillah which means "I seek refuge in Allah"...

It doesnt mean that a good friendship with the opposite must end in something more. I learned it the hard way. A good friendship is from a good chemistry. And it is a blessing to find a person who you have a good chemistry with people it makes you feel at ease with that person. I have in my life found several people from the opposite sex who i realize i had a good chemistry with. But not all of it went well because it was either i wanted to take it to a different level or the other side wanted to take it to a different level. I lost 4 good friends throughout my life due to that (1 to the former and 3 to the latter). You know you feel a good amount of chemistry with a person, you establish the person as a good friend, you even up caring a lot for the person and suddenly they start acting different and you realize that they were moving to the next level while you were still in the " i care a lot for you as a friend" phase. And if you were like me, then you would start to move away, then come back when you think that the other side is back to the same level and attempt to be buddies again. People say , tak nak hilang kawan yang kita sayang. Meaning you dont want to lose the good friend you care about.( Sometimes, you do it just because you think that maybe you overacted or "syok sendiri". Maybe he just was being extra nice and i misinterpreted it. But then, you should be able to differentiate between a platonic relationship and a romantic one right?) Then , when u realize that they are up there again, you just back off because you care enough for that person to not give them a hope. Some other people might just enjoy the extra attention, flirt around, enjoy the gifts and extras and then brush it off after giving the person the hope. Fortunately, i'm not of those breeds. Been there, have experienced it once. Will not go there. I care enough for people to not lead they astray. So yes, lost 3 friends due to that. Dont want to lose anymore......

I am an open , friendly person but i have my limits. As i was telling a good guy friend earlier today, "I am open when it comes to talking, joking around, hanging out but i realize that peoplemisinterpret the friendliness to "she is OPEN"". People judge the appearance and think that i am open enough to flirt around with seriously. I AM NOT. I havent been out with any guy alone unless the person was a really really really good friend. Even that when i detected an extra amount of attention on his side, i stopped because i didnt want him to get the wrong idea. He took it the wrong way and thought i isolated him but the truth was i cared a lot for him as a friend and couldnt afford for him to think that i was in for the next level. I did think that maybe i overacted and he was just being extra friendly but to me, there are certain things you do with the person you love as a friend and there the others that you do for the person you love more than a friend. And to me i thot it was the latter. I felt bad but he was a real goood friend and i didnt know how to tell him and so i left it at that. Recently, it happened again and he stopped talking to me. But, i wish i can tell him that he is a really good good friend to me, and i want to keep it that way and it might not have been his intention but it is just registering that in my mind. So i backed off. Felt guilty after that but i did wat i thought was right in my mind. Lost 2 guy friends previously in the States due to this, dont wanna lose more. :(